3.If You Don't Do This,You Are Headed for Trouble

 Back in 1898, a tragic thing happened in Rockland County, New York. A child had

died, and on this particular day the neighbors were preparing to go to the funeral.
Jim Farley went out to the barn to hitch up his horse. The ground was covered with
snow, the air was cold and snappy; the horse hadn’t been exercised for days; and as he
was led out to the watering trough, he wheeled playfully, kicked both his heels high in
the air, and killed Jim Farley. So the little village of Stony Point had two funerals that
week instead of one.
Jim Farley left behind him a widow and three boys, and a few hundred dollars in
insurance.
His oldest boy, Jim, was ten, and he went to work in a brickyard, wheeling sand and
pouring it into the molds and turning the brick on edge to be dried by the sun. This boy
Jim never had a chance to get much education. But with his natural geniality, he had a
flair for making people like him, so he went into politics, and as the years went by, he
developed an uncanny ability for remembering people’s names.
He never saw the inside of a high school; but before he was forty-six years of age, four
colleges had honored him with degrees and he had become chairman of the Democratic
National Committee and Postmaster General of the United States.
I once interviewed Jim Farley and asked him the secret of his success. He said, “Hard
work,” and I said, “Don’t be funny.”
He then asked me what I thought was the reason for his success. I replied: "I
understand you can call ten thousand people by their first names.”
“No. You are wrong, " he said. “I can call fifty thousand people by their first names.”
Make no mistake about it. That ability helped Mr. Farley put Franklin D. Roosevelt in
the White House when he managed Roosevelt’s campaign in 1932.

2.A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression

 At a dinner party in New York, one of the guests, a woman who had inherited money,

was eager to make a pleasing impression on everyone. She had squandered a modest
fortune on sables, diamonds and pearls. But she hadn’t done anything whatever about
her face. It radiated sourness and selfishness. She didn’t realize what everyone knows:
namely, that the expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the
clothes one wears on one’s back.
Charles Schwab told me his smile had been worth a million dollars. And he was
probably understating the truth. For Schwab’s personality, his charm, his ability to
make people like him, were almost wholly responsible for his extraordinary success;
and one of the most delightful factors in his personality was his captivating smile.
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, you make me happy. I
am glad to see you.” That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that
they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.
A baby’s smile has the same effect.
Have you ever been in a doctor’s waiting room and looked around at all the glum faces
waiting impatiently to be seen? Dr, Stephen K. Sproul, a veterinarian in Raytown,
Missouri, told of a typical spring day when his waiting room was full of clients waiting
to have their pets inoculated. No one was talking to anyone else, and all were probably
thinking of a dozen other things they would rather be doing than “wasting time” sitting
in that office. He told one of our classes: “There were six or seven clients waiting when
a young woman came in with a nine-month-old baby and a kitten. As luck would have
it, she sat down next to a gentleman who was more than a little distraught about the
long wait for service. The next thing he knew, the baby just looked up at him with that

1.Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere

 Why read this book to find out how to win friends? Why not study the technique of the

greatest winner of friends the world has ever known? Who is he? You may meet him
tomorrow coming down the street. When you get within ten feet of him, he will begin
to wag his tail. If you stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skin to show you
how much he likes you. And you know that behind this show of affection on his part,
there are no ulterior motives: he doesn’t want to sell you any real estate, and he doesn’t
want to marry you.
Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a
living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a
dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love.
When I was five years old, my father bought a little yellow-haired pup for fifty cents.
He was the light and joy of my childhood. Every afternoon about four-thirty, he would
sit in the front yard with his beautiful eyes staring steadfastly at the path, and as soon
as he heard my voice or saw me swinging my dinner pail through the buck brush, he
was off like a shot, racing breathlessly up the hill to greet me with leaps of joy and
barks of sheer ecstasy.
Tippy was my constant companion for five years. Then one tragic night - I shall never
forget it - he was killed within ten feet of my head, killed by lightning. Tippy’s death
was the tragedy of my boyhood.
You never read a book on psychology, Tippy. You didn’t need to. You knew by some
divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely
interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people
interested in you. Let me repeat that. You can make more friends in two months by
becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other

3."He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way"

 I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer. Personally I am very fond of

strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer
worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about
what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I
dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to
have that?”
Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?
That is what Lloyd George, Great Britain’s Prime Minister during World War I, did.
When someone asked him how he managed to stay in power after the other wartime
leaders - Wilson, Orlando and Clemenceau - had been forgotten, he replied that if his
staying on top might be attributed to any one thing, it would be to his having learned
that it was necessary to bait the hook to suit the fish.
Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested
in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are
just like you: we are interested in what we want.
So the only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and
show them how to get it.
Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to get somebody to do something. If, for
example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach at them, and don’t talk
about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the
basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.
This is a good thing to remember regardless of whether you are dealing with children
or calves or chimpanzees. For example: one day Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son
tried to get a calf into the barn. But they made the common mistake of thinking only of
what they wanted: Emerson pushed and his son pulled. But the calf was doing just

2.The Big Secret of Dealing with People

 There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever

stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to
do it.
Remember, there is no other way.
Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in
his ribs. YOU can make your employees give you cooperation - until your back is
turned - by threatening to fire them. You can make a child do what you want it to do by
a whip or a threat. But these crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions.
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
What do you want?
Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex
urge and the desire to be great.
John Dewey, one of America’s most profound philosophers, phrased it a bit differently.
Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important."
Remember that phrase: “the desire to be important." It is significant. You are going to
hear a lot about it in this book.
What do you want? Not many things, but the few that you do wish, you crave with an
insistence that will not be denied. Some of the things most people want include:
1. Health and the preservation of life.
2. Food.
3. Sleep.
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well-being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.
Almost all these wants are usually gratified-all except one. But there is one longing -
almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep - which is seldom
gratified. It is what Freud calls “the desire to be great.” It is what Dewey calls the
“desire to be important.”
Lincoln once began a letter saying: “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James

1."If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"

 On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had

come to its climax. After weeks of search, “Two Gun” Crowley - the killer, the gunman
who didn’t smoke or drink - was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart’s apartment on West
End Avenue.
One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top-floor hideaway.
They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the “cop killer,” with
teargas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for
more than an hour one of New York’s fine residential areas reverberated with the crack
of pistol fire and the rut-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an over-
stuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the
battle. Nothing like it ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.
When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the
two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the
history of New York. “He will kill,” said the Commissioner, “at the drop of a feather.”
But how did “Two Gun” Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police
were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed “To whom it may concern, ”
And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper.
In this letter Crowley said: “Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that
would do nobody any harm.”
A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend
on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and
said: “Let me see your license.”
Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a

Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book

 1. If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one indispensable requirement,one essential infinitely more important than any rule or technique. Unless you have this  one fundamental requisite, a thousand rules on how to study will avail little, And if you do have this cardinal endowment, then you can achieve wonders without reading any suggestions for getting the most out of a book.

What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.

How can you develop such an urge? By constantly reminding yourself how important these principles are to you. Picture to yourself how their mastery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and more fulfilling life. Say to yourself over and  over:
"My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people.”

2. Read each chapter rapidly at first to get a bird's-eye view of it. You will probably be tempted then to rush on to the next one. But don’t - unless you are reading merely for entertainment. But if you are reading because you want to increase your skill in human relations, then go back and reread each chapter thoroughly. In the long run, this will mean saving time and getting results.

3. Stop frequently in your reading to think over what you are reading. Ask yourself just how and when you can apply each suggestion.

4. Read with a crayon, pencil, pen, magic marker or highlighter in your hand. When you come across a suggestion that you feel you can use, draw a line beside it. If it is a four-star suggestion, then underscore every sentence or highlight it, or mark it with “****.” Marking and underscoring a book makes it more interesting, and far easier to review rapidly.

5. I knew a woman who had been office manager for a large insurance concern for fifteen years. Every month, she read all the insurance contracts her company had issued that month. Yes, she read many of the same contracts over month after month, year after year. Why? Because experience had taught her that that was the only way she could keep their provisions clearly in mind. I once spent almost two years writing a book on public speaking and yet I found I had to keep going back over it from time to time in order to remember what I had written in my own book. The rapidity with which we forget is astonishing.